– Have your married out of love?
– Of course! What a silly question!
Is it silly?
While in our society and in any other “progressive” society the marriage out of love is the norm, there are still some societies (like India, S. Arabia etc.) where many marriages are arranged. The question is whether these arranged marriages are unacceptable and whether they are more successful or less successful than marriages based on love. Emotional cries of the type “We are not in the Middle Ages” do not fit into this debate. Anyone who has even the least contact with countries where arranged marriages exist, is able to certify that such marriages can be successful. Let alone the fact that few of us can say with certainty that his grandparents or his great-grandparents were not married via an arranged marriage.
A related conversation at Quora can be seen here. There exists a reference to a survey that states that while many love marriages gradually fail, love in arranged marriages is being built and growing over time. I have no opinion on whether the research is valid, I just mention this as a food for thought. And certainly when one takes into account the growing divorce trends in love marriages, the question seems even more timely and difficult than we would like to admit.
The religious question now comes to Christianity: What will a religious person choose? If one wishes to be objective, he must recognize that Christianity would theoretically prefer marriage from true love. (although we must note that arranged marriages have been the norm for thousands of years also in the Christian societies!) Christianity favors love, unconditional love and is against any attempt to rationalize the affection between two people. On the other hand, the most correct rational view is the one that wants the choice of couples after the logical analysis of all the parameters in order to find the optimal “match” – that is, the arranged marriage.
Difficult problems with difficult solutions – if there are any.
Because as in all human problems, there is no easy answer here…
Search deep inside yourself…
Who is rational about this? (arranged marriages)
Who is irrational? (marriages out of love)
“If one wishes to be objective, he must recognize that Christianity would prefer marriage from true love. ” – I am not so sure of that! For the most part through history, arranged marriages HAS been the norm for Christian societies, after all. And if you accept the core principle that man and husband are to love each other, that in itself can be spun two ways; marrying out of love, or loving as a consequence of marriage. So despite being for love between man and wife it is certain which side a Christian view ought to take.
Though, being a heathen, I should probably not make statements for a Christian view. x) As for my own view…. I don’t think there is a right answer. I am of course pro LOVE, but whether or not marriage should come out of love OR love should come out of marriage…. Both can work, it’s probably very dependent on expectations – which in turn to a large degree depends on cultural factors.
I mostly agree that there is no clear right answer. And indeed, arranged marriages have been the norm for Christian societies as well. You are right, I will update the article accordingly!