Have been trying to cope with the grief of death.
By thinking of things.
By not thinking of things.
Avoiding my self.
But now I understand.
That the only reason that I grief.
Is that I have not sat alone.
To feel.
To cry.
To grief.
Until the cosmos understands.
That there is no need to grief anymore…
Coping with grief is difficult. One has to stay focused on forgetting the reasons for being sad in the first place, but the problem is that when someone is sad for a good reason he doesn’t want to forget that reason.
Most difficult to cope with is the grief due to the death of a loved one. It is very hard to accept that he is gone, that you will never see or speak to him again. The end of life is tragic in many ways and dealing with it could be daunting.
But why do we grief death?
Answering this simple question could help us alleviate our grief and manage our emotions.
Death is the opposite of life. But what is life? Philosophy has not answered that even though it tries for millennia now. So death is also an unknown. And this unknown is what we truly fear.
Imagine walking into a cafeteria. You are afraid it might turn out to be a total disaster. But you also hope it could be the best place you have visited! Why don’t we have the same anticipation for death?
Death is the end of everything we experience. But what do we experience? And why don’t we want to experience something else?
Death is all about loss. But what do we lose? Is it something dear or something that blocks our understanding? We lose our loved ones. But who are our loved ones? The flesh? The bones? The brain? Or something else?
If life entails just us being alive, then we should not fear death. We should fear life instead.
Simple questions.
Hard questions.
About our self.
About the cosmos.
About life.
Oh, do you see?
Death is nothing but a reminder.
That there is more in life than just life itself…
He had just come back from the funeral. His mother had just died. She was his most beloved person. She had taken care of him for so many years, raised him, she… his eyes wet, started crying again. From a small child he had been pondering on the possibility (it was just a… possibility back then) of his parents dying. And whenever he thought about it, his mother always came and reassured him that everything will be OK… But today she wasn’t there. She would not be there anymore. Not now. Not ever again. And that “Never” really made his heart ache. It was that sense of security that he missed the most. A person who loved him so much that would do anything just to make him feel better. He felt good around her. Now he felt void.
With heavy feet he opened the door. Entered the lounge, then went slowly into the kitchen. He hadn’t eaten since the previous day. Since he heard the bad news… He thought eating was an insult to his mother. He could not put anything into his mouth after her death. But now biology came to overcome his will. He had to eat something. Mechanically and unwillingly he opened the fridge trying to find something editable. He opened the door and saw a plate of spaghetti. Tears started pouring from his eyes. Tears he couldn’t stop. It was the food his mother made for him yesterday just before she died. Ready as he liked it. He couldn’t even see the plate with his blurred eyes. Took it. Placed it on the table. Started eating it. Slowly. Each time he ate, he remembered of his mother preparing it. He cried even more. Every bite brought more sadness to his heart. The sauce. As he preferred it. With a lot of vinegar as he liked it. Another bite. And another. He kept on crying while finishing his food. She had even put extra chesses as she only knew he liked it. And another bite. The food was getting less and less. The last meal from his mother. He ate it but at the same time wanted to leave it as it is. It was the last thing he had from her. Another bite. Every time he felt so pleased from the excellent food, he also remembered of who prepared it and the pleasure went away instantly. Tears again. Mechanically he ate it all. When he was a kid, he would always ask for more. And she would – with all her love – give him more. Smiling.
He fell sleepy. Slowly he bent over the table and laid his head on it. His eyes closed and he dreamed of the only thing that would make his soul pleased. Another plate of spaghetti with cheese… And in his sleep, just for a fleeting moment, he smiled…
Spiros Kakos
02/2013 – Athens, Greece
Most people are afraid of death. And this happens because they love life. But not one of them knows what is the nature of that thing he loves. And surely not one of them knows what is the nature of the thing he is afraid of… People give thousands of Euros to psychologists when the true answer lies in front of them. All they have to do is look for the Harmony in Philosophy… (see tag Death in Harmonia Philosophica blogspot portal or tag Death in this portal) The answer is that there is no answer because the questions are wrong. Give in to living here your Da-Sein… Let go of worries and grief related to wrongly-defined problems. If you are grieving for the death of a loved one, then you must have found the answer to all those hard problems that trouble philosophers for thousands of years. And don’t misunederstand me, but you don’t seem such a smart guy… (this applies to Spiros Kakos of the future too… trust me my friend, it is your self speaking…)
